The world's gone wedding mental

It's quite funny that Kate and Wills are tying the knot a few weeks before we do, because it means we are not the only ones obsessed with all things wedding. The whole world seems to have gone a bit wedding mental (or 'wental' as I like to call it).

You can't go more than six feet in London without walking head first into swathes of Union Jack bunting. It's actually worse than when England were attempting to play in the World Cup and everyone inexplicably replaced their curtains with a george cross flag. In fact, the council have actually hung massive Union Jacks around Regent Street. They should go the whole hog and also install some shirtless white van drivers clutching a copy of The Sun and a can of lager.

And it seems every shop on the planet is finding a way to cash in on the royal nuptials, most of them with excruciatingly tenuous product tie-ins and promotions. While it's perfectly logical for Morrisons to flog sausage rolls and quiches for street parties, I think it's a step too far for the Body Shop to dress up a BOGOF promo by slapping a Union Jack sticker on a body cream and shower gel set, and call it 'The Perfect Pair'. (I can hear the marketing manager desperately selling that idea in: "cos y'know, it's like Kate and Will are the perfect pair? Geddit? Yeah?" Agh.)

And of course there's no escaping the commentary and speculation in the news. What's the dress gonna look like? How will she have her hair? Will she wear a tiara or flowers? Can we find another picture of Diana wearing a slightly similar outfit and compare them side by side? Has the stress made her lose so much weight, she looks a bit like a lollipop head? (not surprised the poor girl's stressed really - I'm nervous about having a piffling 50 people staring at me as I swalk down the aisle, but she's got to worry about tripping up in front of the entire world, the Queen and David bloody Beckham.)

I've also just read that there's a huge shortage of Prince William lookalikes. One particular lookalike claims to be so rushed off his feet that he has left his former full time job to appear at events and engagements across the country. He's charging a thousand pounds per appearance! And a client of mine told me that her friends were going to be watching Kate and Wills get hitched while wearing their wedding dresses. Why would you do that?! Utterly wental.

But regardless of the mass media-induced hysteria, I quite like that fact that this royal story is supporting our own wedding build up. As my Fiance pointed out last night, it's something to tell the grandchildren. (He actually bought a small tear to my eye - he said he wants to get a cheesy commemorative Wills and Kate coin, so he can say to the grandkiddies "look, the King got married just before Nanna and Grandad!" awwww sniffle sniffle!)

However, last night I couldn't help feeling slightly sorry for Kate. I'm no Royal Wedding expert but, as we went through our RSVPs and made a list of all our guests music requests for the DJ, I felt pretty certain that she won't be enjoying a really cheesy dance with all her favourite people once the speeches are done and the cake's been cut. (and after compiling that list of music, I am SO looking forward to this part of the day!!)

Then I wondered, do the royals actually get a DJ in?? Is it Tony from Essex with his stack of multi-coloured flashing lights? Or is it more like a scene out of Pride and Prejudice where ladies flutter eyelashes and fan themselves to the sound of lutes and violins. Like this:

Either way I bet no-one at her wedding will request Lady Ga Ga, Girls Aloud or Take That. (well, Harry might, eh?)

Anyway. I better go. I just spotted a window that's crying out for a string of Union Jacks...