The laid back vicar - part 2

The Domesday book. Probably used by Reverend Patterson as a large coffee cup coaster.


With The Big Day hurtling ever closer, (squeal) we decided we better cover off a minor detail like making sure the wedding ceremony is actually legal. So we popped up to the 'Shire to see the very laid back Reverend Patterson

We attended his sunday service, and we were quite surprised when, as we walked in, everyone in the congregation seemed to know who we were. We'd barely had a foot in the door when an elderly gentlemen roared, "Ah you're the couple that are getting married aren't you!"

It was a little disconcerting because we'd never seen him before in our lives. Then he peered at me and said "Has anyone ever told you you like exactly like Posh Spice??"

Again, a little disconcerting. Especially when his friend then pointed at my tummy and asked if it was a girl. (Posh Spice is currently preggers you see.) I still don't know who they are or how they know us.

So, feeling like everyone was looking at us, we sat down for the service. It was nice actually - although we had to do our best not snigger at the two little old ladies behind us who seemed to be taking the mick out of the reverend's singing.

Afterwards, the Rev sat down with us for a chat. Once again he had a carrier bag full of paper work which he promptly dropped and scattered all over the floor. Turns out they were the important forms that would make it legal for us to be married in the parish. I decided I wouldn't worry about his seemingly slapdash approach to our marriage legalities - you've just got to go with the flow haven't you?

So after scrabbling around under pews to retrieve the forms, he gave us a pen, told us to fill them in and handed us a very old looking book. He said "you can lean on this if you like. It’s just a ledger that dates back to 1526, it's a record of all the christenings, weddings and funerals that have happened in this church."

Lean on it?? I daren’t breathe on it! It was ancient! I should have probably been wearing gloves and using tweezers to look through it, and it's quite possible it should only have been looked at in a dimly lit, temperature controlled, secure room. Yet here the Rev was, wanging it around like it was a copy of last year's Beano Annual. He probably uses the Bayeaux Tapestry as a teatowel.

We decided not to lean on it - we used a hymn book instead - and filled in the forms to say we lived in Acton Round (I wish!)

Paperwork done, we then asked him about hymns. We'd gone in armed with a few suggestions, thinking we'd get brownie points if we actually had a little knowledge rather than looking like part-time Christians. So we'd chosen hymns cos they represented our families ("that’s mums favourite") or because they were symbolic of us ("that’s all about countryside and trees and how wonderful the creation of the world is, and we like trees and countryside.")

But the reverend looked at our list and as he casually wrapped an elastic band around his 400 year old, historic artefact, said “Listen, people get very bored at church services, so just pick some up-beat hymns that everyone knows the words to.”

So All Things Bright and Beautiful it is then.